I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
