i think my tv is drunk
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
