apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize