How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
