maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my poor anus
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
