Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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