Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I enjoy the company of your penis
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
