Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
