She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize