he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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