my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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