Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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