it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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