So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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