I love black thongs
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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