But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
