and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
