I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
