I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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