Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize