I think im going to throw up on grandma
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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