He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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