Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize