Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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