So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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