I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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