I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
