The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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