i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
