Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
