The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
