mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
