What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You ruined the universe
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize