Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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