no, he came in my armpit
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
