Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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