guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
