If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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