You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
