my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
