It's Friday. Sex?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize