babies were throwing up all over the place
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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