toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
