was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
