forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
