I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
