im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
