I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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