you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
