My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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