The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Never let your siblings swipe right.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
