I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
