Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
