So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had to cum in my sink.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
