In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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