i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
