Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
