Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
