Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
