I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
