I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
