How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize