Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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