when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
