At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize