i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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