hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
