Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
