By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
