I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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