Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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