I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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