she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
