i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
